Weak Knees

Today, in Focus, we talked about decisions.

We discussed the obvious truth that every decision we make has consequences, good or bad, and they directly affect our life and the lives of people around us. This really is not a new idea for me – I hope it was not a new concept for any of the kids in our class – but I think that today I thought of it in a new light.

It occurred to me the other day that time has been flying by. I would always hear my parents saying to treasure every moment because every moment is fleeting. All I would ever think is that time was perfect. It never flew by…often times, when I was young, time would not go by fast enough. I am beginning to understand what my parents meant: time really does pass by before I have the time to really notice (which is, indeed, ironic…that time does not allow me enough time to realize that time is slipping through my fingers. Read it again, it makes sense).

I feel as if school just started, but then I realize that we just finished midterms (well, my friends finished their midterms) and we are over halfway through the first semester. One half of a semester is not that much time, but before I know it I will find myself enjoying Christmas break…then summer, and all of a sudden an entire year has gone by.

It is times like this, when I realize how quickly time is leaving me, when I know that I am growing up. I am already (to an extent) on my own, and in a few short years I will be entirely dependent. It is just now that I see how my decisions have brought me to where I am today. All this time that I call my life has flown by and I often cannot differentiate one memory from another because of how they all bunch together. But I can see the ways that I have affected my own life, the decisions I have made have brought me to where I am today.

One decision that is still to this day affecting my life is one I made in the first week of July 2008. I made the choice to play soccer without my knee braces. I have dislocated both of my knees more than once and have been instructed to wear knee braces whenever I do any sort of physical activity. On this particular day I did not have my knee braces with me and I should have turned down the opportunity to play, but my poor judgment took control of me. After about 20 minutes of playing I ended up dislocating my left knee, which affected me in many ways instantly.

First off, the pain I felt was excruciating. The feeling of my bones grinding together has never been a pleasant one, and this experience did not change the pattern. Secondly, all the fun ended. I was taken to the hospital and I have a feeling that not too many people really felt like playing after witnessing what had happened to me. Third (and probably most severe) I had lost my ability to play sports for quite some time following the injury, and at the time I was planning to attend William Jessup University with soccer scholarships (which are hard to keep without the ability to play soccer).

Knowing that I would be unable to play the season at William Jessup, I turned to California Baptist University (which was my second choice at the time) with hopes of finding an answer to my new, difficult question: where am I going to attend college?

I did not lose my soccer scholarships, but I knew that even after I healed it would be unwise for me to play too competitively and risk further injuries. CBU became my first choice for college. I began to pursue it more and found out that I would be able to receive a large amount of financial aid, which was a huge relief. Door after metaphorical door flew open, making it clear that God had wanted me to attend CBU all along, and after being here it is obvious that this is where I am supposed to be.

I could never have imagined that I could feel so at home, so loved by people who only months ago were complete strangers. I have felt so strongly loved and cared for in the past few weeks and I cannot thank God enough for surrounding me with such awesome friends.

I am having surgery on my knee tomorrow (Thursday, October 30), and all of my fears and nerves have been subsided and calmed by the love I have felt from my friends here at CBU. I have had many people pray for me, including the Male Chorale group and my hall in the dorms (2B! I love you guys!), and many others individually. I have been strengthened through their love for me and I can still say without a shadow of a doubt that I feel at home here--loved, prayed for and encouraged by my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I know that this blog may so far seem like me rambling, but there is a point, and it is this: my decision, in June, to play soccer without my braces has brought me here. I sincerely believe that if God kept me in good health I would have ended up at William Jessup, not that it would be bad to be there because it is a GREAT school, but I don’t think it would be right for me.

Every decision has a consequence, whether it is good or bad, and sometimes it can be both! I definitely had to suffer for my poor judgment, but God used my mistake to bring me to this place where I have grown closer to Him and found myself surrounded by incredible people who love me and care for me!

I am so thankful to be here at Cal Baptist University. I am thankful for my bad knees, whose lack of durability caused me to come here. I am incredibly thankful for the way that God has used the people here to comfort and encourage me in preparation for my surgery. I am so happy to be where I am today, and it is all because of my weak knees.

That is the end of my blog for this week, but I have an important announcement to make!! Devron Suttle (a.k.a.: Whopper) will be competing in Guitar Center’s regional finals for the annual drum off on Tuesday, November 11, at the Guitar Center in Rancho Cucamonga!! If you can make it, come show your support!!



Kolin Kraning

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